Vicki' adventures in wonderland..

poly & telling people

2009-06-28T10:54:59Z

a friend of an lj friend just made friends with me, which was awesome. hopefull we'll stay friends even though i'm not poly! She commented on how open I am about being poly, and i ended up typing mroe than i meant to on why. here it is.

I find that open about poly just, happened, for me. i told my whole family, my daughters' kinder & school teachers, Andrew told his family etc. I did it for two reasons - i have a big mouth when I'm happy. in fact full stop. happy, sad, angry, i like to tell people how i feel.

Secondly, IF there was any chance at all that this lifestyle choice could affect our kids, I wanted the people around us - my sister, their teachers, to be able to notice it, and also to feel free to approach me about it.

Rather than have a teacher get concerned then chat in the staff room about it, or, worst case, call child services, I'd alerted her first, and opened the pathway for her to approach me.

So, I went ahead. It got a little easier each time, although Eryn's teacher who is, well,dragon lady, was damn hard even though she was one of the last!!

Not a single one of them growled at me, or called me names, or threatened to take my children away. Actually, Andrew's parents suggested it to me, because they believed it was 'all Andrew's fault', and that I'd see reason.

I sought a lot of re-enforcement form people that actually, the grandparents the barely see had zero chance of removing them based on us being poly, then felt better.

Monorail riding.

2009-06-28T10:40:08Z

hi all.
For anyone i haven't caught up with on this subject yet, Andrew and I have made the pretty permanent decision to re-join the ranks of monogamy. We made a smilar choice late lats year, mostly prompted because we didn't feel that I would ever be up to offering Andrew wanted he was seeking in terms on one on one sexual time. This time aroun it's more that it's not about what we can't offer right now but may change in the future, more an realisation that we just don't want to live poly at all.

It's been a pretty weird two weeks, Andrew came to this thought 2 weeks ago, and due to distance, hadn't shared with me any of the lead up to it. IN my mind he went form full steam ahead poly to all brakes on, join the monorail. It was, confusing to say the least. He's explained now that he has been unsure most of teh year, in particular since he realised he has been actively jealous of me sharing time with other people sexually. Andrew has never before had jealousy regarding me, and it's quite disconcerting. It's also quite lovely, I have to say i'd often felt less than loved by him not caring about me sleeping with someone else. I know from a poly viewpoint jealousy doesn't equal love, but hell a lot of grpwing up in a monogamous society means that i still feel it does.

Hearing Andrew tell me i'm his only love and only ever will be, that he adores me and doesn't want to ever be with anyone else, or share me with anyone else, makes me feel pretty special.

I've not thrown this up in order to spark debate, and i know a lot of dear people to me don't view the world this way. I'm just hoping to share with you why i've agreed to jump on board mono for good.

i really, truly, respect, to an amazing degree, those of you dear people who live happy poly lives. In a lot of ways i envy you that. I have faith that those of of us who are true friends, regardless of how we identify our lifestyles, will continue to stay true friends.

i love you all, and come get drunk with me next week!!!!

hugs

Poly Support

2009-06-28T10:29:45Z

Hi guys.

I have a good friend who has recently joined LJ who is poly, and not currently part of any support groups. I've suggested they meet up with POly Vic, but also would like to list some online support. Here's some links iu found useful last year, if you also have any, please throw them up?

Thanks

http://polyoz.dhs.org/
http://www.bi-victoria.org.au/
http://www.pleasureactivism.org/articles/bi_and_poly.html
http://www.altcoach.com/polyamory.html
http://community.livejournal.com/polyamory/
http://www.worldpolyamoryassociation.org/

Ahhh the oddness that is Eryn...

2009-06-24T04:18:37Z

I'm not sure if I've written before about Eryn and her temper. Eryn has had a rather large temper, for a long time. The first time I actively noticed it was the week we moved back to Victoria, when Eryn was two and a half. We were looking for beds in a massive shop in Nunawading, and Eryn didn't want to leave the Wiggles bed behind. I did what I'd always done and picked her up to leave the shop, and she exploded. Tears, screams, snot, hysteria, flailing and kicking, the works. It quite bewildered us to be honest. She'd always been fairly vocal with us, and was quite clear in what she wanted, but in public she was normally very quiet, and had no signs of a temper like that!

Yeah, she was a cranky baby, but then, I don't think cranky is the right word, i think more, reliant? She just wanted to be with one of us, all the time. That at least had a 70 – 80% chance of keeping her happy. She did get referred at 2 to the pediatric psychologist for assessment for OCD, but that was solved over the phone when she pointed out that Eryn's main problem wasthat she was running the house, instead of Andrew and I doing so..

Back to Beds'R'Us though, Andrew and I sort of stared at each other for a moment, then bundled her out to the car and back to to the motel where we sort of, well, laughed. This tiny little bundle of extreme anger was actually sort of, cute. And amusing..

Over the last 5 and a half years, we've still laughed at some of her tantrums – for example when she used to stand in her doorway, crying for a hanky, then after being handed one she'd throw it back out at you. Being a hanky it would fall about 2 centimeters away. She'd huff, go get it and repeat the process. Laugh out loud funny to watch... More Of a recent one was when I realise the next day that she'd stuck a sign on her door saying “I am a shithed”..

Some of them though, in fact most of them, have not been so funny. She used to fall asleep mid tantrum in her bed, and wake, picking up exactly where she left off, as if the sleep had never happened. She's fallen asleep on her floor covered in snot more times than I can count. She's been carried many, many times from scenes of crime, shopping centres, toilets, restaurants, people's houses. She's kicked me, hit me, scratched me, once bitten me, and told me more than once that she doesn't like me at all.

One of the worst one may be the one where in the end Andrew and I went into her room, this was at Ferntree Gully, so she would have been under 5, and started clearing the whole room out. By the end she had literally only her empty dresser, empty bookshelf and bed, with no blankets or pillows. The next thing we heard was the god awful crash of her very heavy bookshelf being tipped over, and LUCKILY, missing her feet. Her other worst would be a few months back when I asked her to go into my room, as according to our deal. We had the deal that if she was losing her temper she could go into my room, jump on the bed, say anything she wanted, and yell and scream all she wanted. When I asked her to go in, she went fine, and yelled for awhile, then was quiet. Normally that means she's getting herself back together, but this time it turned out she was just destroying my room instead. Pictures off walls, and out of photo frames, bed pulled apart, clothes everywhere, etc.

That was before we gave her a bedroom of her own for her birthday. After that the incidences slowed down, and also lowered in explosiveness. She might need time out in her room, but she rarely destroyed things, and normally calmed down fairly well. Last night sadly, was old school Eryn at her best..

A few weeks ago Ruth lent us the Roald Dahl audio collection, and as a family we got hooked. So far I've only listened to Matilda, Fantastic Mr Fox and The Twits, cos I am really relishing listening to the rest as we drive West. Eryn and Emma have had a CD player in their rooms since they were quite small,and have often had audio books like Bug's Life or Toy Story or Bob the Builder to fall asleep to. When we got the Roald Dahl ones I happily let Eryn have them too. I discovered however that Dahl is obviously too good – Eryn would be still up at 11, listening to the cd's.

Monday this week I told Eryn that she couldn't have anymore audio books until this Friday, when school holidays start. After that he can happily have them until school starts again in Perth, in about a month. I thought she took it quite well, and went on with life.. last night I discovered the BFG Disc 3 in her CD player, and the case of discs missing from on my desk. I did a large internal martyr sigh, and then asked her to get me the case please.

She denied knowing where they were, even when I sent her to go look for them, and couldn't, or wouldn't, find them. While she was looking I sneaked a look under her pillow and there they were. (that also meant that she probably spent lats night listening to disc 1, 2 AND 3, of the BFG, a playtime of quite a few hours). I gave her a time limit to tell me where they were, with the consequence that if she didn't I would be reading our current book (Also the BFG) to Emma alone that night rather than to both of them.

The time limit came and went, and I took Emma and the BFG to her room, and shut the door. Eryn of course exploded, rather loudly, and started throwing her stuff out of her room down the hall. I told her it wasn't ok, and shut her bedroom door. When I finished reading to Emma (who picked a Little Miss book anyway), Eryn's lights were off, door open, and all was silent. I listened for awhile, then headed to the lounge. I tried to settle into playing with my Duplicate File Finder, but I kept hearing SOMETHING.
After awhile I went down, and Emma said that Eryn's light was keeping he up. Eryn's light was off.. I wandered over and turned her light on and it was truly a work of classic Eryn. Clothes – that she'd gone and gotten from the dirty wash basket so at least they weren't clean – her doona, blankets, pillows (with cases torn off), shoes, toys, books, including her Lego ship that she got for her birthday, now pulled apart and scattered.

I did a more, out loud martyr sigh, and told her I was taking stuff away and I'd be back with a box. She told me she didn't care, i went & got a removal box & tape, and started assembling it in her room..she started caring pretty quick. I told her the stuff she'd scattered everywhere was getting packed, she could have it back in Perth. She told me to take everything in her room then, so i did. Now, I quite freely admit that by this stage I had also lost my temper. She was sitting there, naked, covered in snot, with all this mess all around her, and I just wanted to snap her out of it. I started in one corner of her room, and as I got to something I'd either pack it or put it in the rubbish bag. She sat, quite calmly, and watched me do it.

About 3/4 of the way through i went to throw something in the rubbish bag, and she complained it wasn't rubbish. That was pretty much the first thing she'd said to me in 30 or 40 minutes, other than to refuse when I offered her chances to change her mind. I asked her where she wanted this thing if not in the rubbish, and she pointed to the Perth box. I looked at her, and she said nicely, Perth please. After that it was sort of eerie. Whenever I wasn't sure I'd ask her, she'd direct it to either Perth, rubbish, or for on the trip.

Some stuff I tried to talk her out of, like ALL her books, and her pillows. She compromised on the pillows at the end and admitted she'd said no at the start because 'that was when she was being snotty'. She now has her bed, one pillow, her blankets, an empty bookshelf, her CD player, and her lamp. The room looks awesome!

When everything was out I asked her where she wanted her bed and she got off it quite happily and discussed where it should go. She went and got two bottles of water and asked if we could do Cheers.. when I asked her what we were celebrating she said her being big enough to pack her stuff.. When she was in bed she asked if I could still read her some BFG, and I explained that if I did it rendered the punishment kind of pointless. She said 'it's hard, i just have such a fast, big temper' and i agreed, i told her she has your temper and she should remember that when Andrew loses HIS temper, or Emma, or I.

I also told her that her temper was not my fault, or Emma, and that we didn't have to put up with being yelled at, same as she does't when anyone else loses their temper. We talked a little about it all. I think that maybe she got to the point when I was packing her stuff that she wanted it gone – once it's gone it's easier. She's reclaimed a few of her soft toys which is fine by me, they were last in, by her choice, not because I took them as a punishment. She also told me first thing this morning that she'd gotten them out.

The whole process took quite a long time, a few hours I'd say, and by the end of it I was wiped out. Also unsure what it achieved, because as I was leaving her room she asked for BFG in her CD player! I explained AGAIN that it's for after the holidays,and she sort of sighed, then asked for a music CD, and went to sleep. So, I guess it was easier than the last time I said no to it, but why did she even try again??
Honestly, off to the circus for her you know....

Another post i liked..

2009-05-13T00:10:23Z

Why both Pirates and Ninjas must be kinksters.

Pirates:
- Do what the Captain says or you die.
- There's so much rope on a boat... Christ the possibilities are endless.
- Lots of civilian prisoners.
- If you fuck up you get tied up and thrown overboard.
- Ever thought about tying someone to that huge wheel?
- Any others?

Ninjas:
- Lots of tight-fitting black clothing.
- They must be damn good at knife play.
- You never hear or see them coming, great for rapeplay.
- Extremely fit and flexible. Bonus.
- They use metal-link chains, not ropes. All the better for some people.
- Any others?

http://fetlife.com/groups/81/group_posts/170663

An interesting post on age play.

2009-05-13T00:06:28Z

I'm into age play. Andrew was my Daddy before my Dom really. I've just joined Fetlife, and joined a group on Age Play. Someone posted recently on age play.

"But when I think of the little girl in me, I don't picture Mary Janes and pacifiers, or dress up or role play as much as I imagine the dynamic that I crave between that vulnerable, insecure little girl inside.. dying to please and be found pleasing, and a Big, Strong, Daddy-type Man who will take her into his nurturing care. Not that I have any problem with the reenforcement or comfort that some might find in the props.. to each his/her own, but what I mean is that when you strip that all away, it's the dynamic that is the draw for most of us."

"Wanting to be his little girl, wanting to please him, wanting to be lovingly adored by him, wanting to be taught/mentored/guided by him, and in my case certainly, wanting to be disciplined by him. Wanting to be wrapped up in his arms when we are hurting, wanting to be smiled and at and patted on the back when we do well. Wanting to be like him, in terms of values, mannerisms, etc. Wanting to fit that ideal of "like father, like daughter". Wanting to be in the family photo album. Wanting to belong. Wanting to be spanked when we aren't doing our best by someone who will not stop loving but continue to love unconditionally."

http://fetlife.com/groups/1834/group_posts/171408

Violent Acres

2009-05-12T23:46:19Z

ok, i have website that was linked to me last night. some writings i like, some i hate, some i feel may be lies.. some seems honest, and self aware, but some, in particular on her cchildhood, seems to contradict herself a lot, and feels untrue. she says in one post that her parents supported her until high school ended then she had a bunch f credit cards. in a lot of otehr posts though she says that her fatehr died young,a nd her mother abused until she ran away, then locked her up when she got back until she agreed to be married at fifteen to stop being legally her mother's responsibilty...

she also has some views that drive me insane - see her FAQ for a start. every now and then though i find something i really get something out of.. i'm sticking with it just holding it at arm's length in a way. i'll probably link bits i find interesting as i go.

this one i admire for her honesty in looking at her younger self, even though it made me cry.

http://www.violentacres.com/archives/309/i-am-so-sorry-sandler

but the below part of her FAQ really fucking infuriated me.. i am a feminist and i have NEVER cliamed that Botox is empowering. i do however believe that current popular climate encourages women to believe that they should live up to an image of a 'sexy' woman, in order to be wanted and loved. Little girls are saying in early primary that it's important to be sexy to be popular and have friends. Do i think that's empowering? fuck no.

(Ironically, as i type this an ad is in the LJ sidebar promoting figure forming underwear so you can have a nice flat tummy when you go out)

"4. Do you have any idea what feminism really is? Women don’t exist solely for the purpose of being visually appealing to men, you know! Women don’t like to be objectified.
Oh reallllllyyyyy? Women don’t like being objectified? Then how do you explain:
Botox. Fake breasts. Lingerie. Tummy tucks. Face lifts. Hair care products. French manicures. Make-up. Suggestive dancing. Bikinis. Etc. Etc. Etc.
None of those things suggest that women like to be objectified? Oh wait, I forgot. All that stuff is empowering. My mistake."
http://www.violentacres.com/archives/52/frequently-asked-questions

My lay-buy system for the kids.

2009-04-24T06:54:07Z

A few people have asked now for details on how I run the lay-buy system I use with the kids, so here it is!

I decided last year that I wanted the girls to know the value of money better, and to learn that you don;t just get things for free. I'd like them to grow up with a better understanding than I had of money, and budgeting, and making good choices. We had been at a stage, since Eryn was tiny, of me just buying them toys, doughnuts, junk, whenever they asked for it. It was given that each trip to the shops would involve at least a food treat, and probably a toy of some level. I also wanted to be bringing up self sufficient people, who didn't expect that someone else would always cook for them, or clean after them, and help them appreciate how much work went into keeping our household running. Again I think these were things I was lacking too!

I did some thinking and came up with our lay-buy system. We took the girls to the shops, and let them each pick one thing. We explained that I would buy the item, and they would have to do jobs to pay it off in order to purchase it from me. We tried the first time to lay-buy it at the shop, but without being able to see it, it's much harder for them to keep motivated.

We set a limit of what we thought they could actually repay. We've had to revisit this amount a few times as we realised Emma is slower than Eryn, and that Eryn can really throw herself into it, IF she has picked something she really wants. On occasion Eryn has asked for an item that is beyond her upper limit, and we've told her that she would need to save the gap amount before we would lay-buy it.

As an example, Eryn's absolute top lay-buy limit is $25. If she wants an item that is $35, she will need to save $10 first, and then I will lay-buy it for her. Their currency is jobs around the house, and any bonus money they get, such as birthday money, or tooth fairy money. Each job they do is worth 25 cents, which is shown by a sticker on their calender. When we set up a new lay-buy, I mark on their calender how many squares they need to fill, and each square needs four stickers. That's just the easiest way for me, I can tell looking at it that each square is one dollar.

They each have some set jobs – Emma is to re-fill the toilet paper holders, Eryn to clean her bathroom. Both girls can load or unload the dishwasher, turn it on, load or unload the washing machine and turn it on. They can both fold socks, washing, and put it away. Eryn can cook a meal for the night – tinned spaghetti and toast at the moment – and both girls can help peel the vegetables, and help cook in some way most meals. Eryn can make toast for herself and the other kids, and they can both get their own cereal.

Some jobs are what we call 'gimmes'. They are free jobs, that the girls are expected to do just because they need to be done. Cleaning their rooms does not get them a sticker. Setting the table, clearing the table, picking up after themselves, do not get stickers. We set what we felt they should just do – Eryn helping the other with toast is something she just does to be helpful, not a sticker job. They are both free to ask for more sticker jobs and I'll do my best to find ones within their abilities.

If they are not doing enough jobs – because they do always have the option of saying no when I call them for a job – then I have the option to remind them that if they are TOO slow I will return the item to the store. After all, I have already paid for it myself.

We have over time 'tweaked' the system a bit. If we have a mass cleaning day, they get double stickers per job, cos it's not how anyone wants to spend their weekend. If they try a food they have never tried they get a bonus sticker, although this shouldn't apply to desserts, even though all the kids have tried that. As we have a family where a few days a week we have my niece and nephews, and my sister also uses lay-buys, we have 'travel cards' with the boys so that if they earn a sticker here they can take it home with them. On occasion all the kids have worked together on one item – the New Super Mario Bros. game had all four kids working on the one lay-buy, Eryn was ecstatic!

I think that's it, please feel free to ask any questions or suggest flaws or improvements!

why i sometimes can't type..

2009-03-25T12:21:26Z

Ok, sometimes can't type cos i suck, but this doesn't help!

My new hair.

2009-03-25T12:15:31Z

here's my hair after being dyed, and straightened, by X tonight. over 3 hours!

Different Topic

2009-03-23T12:32:36Z

The Wii Fit is awesome! i just did my 30 minute workout for the day - on top of this morning's session at the oval - how awesome am i??. i love my Fit, honestly. I just did some Yoga, then some damn hard stretches, then some aerobics - oh my lord hula hoops are hard on the belly, then some balance games.
Yoga rocks and my posture is awesome, the stretches i get good balance results, the aerobics - i finally beat Eryn on hula hoops!! wooohooo.. now i feel a little bad though..
When it comes to the balance games where i have to keep my balance while moving, as opposed to Yoga when i stand still mostly, well, i suck.. yet another area for growth i guess! :)

BOUNCE BOUNCE BOUNCE

2009-03-21T12:18:01Z

is very happy.
loves and hugs

Reviewing 2008...

2009-03-16T03:32:01Z

I'm feeling up to writing my summary of 2008 now. Here's some thoughts I've been having about last year.

2008 was:

The year I actually seriously started my journey as an adult. Thank you so much to the many willing ears, arms, empathic people, and to my uber, uber, uber counsellor, Chris. Without them I would have many more scars to show for my baptism by fire!

The year I learnt my youngest wasn't going to be ready for school in '09.. another year of full time stay at home mum.

The year I learnt the grass not only isn’t greener on the other side, but that’s it’s kind of full of pit traps and cow shit.

The year of the pets, when we adopted in 4 months, a 2 year old cat, 5 female guinea pigs, 2 of which were pregnant and landed us 3 more little girls, and 3 little 10 week old kittens. We went from zero pets to 12.

The year I quit World of Warcraft for 2 straight months, and realised how much time it takes up, and how lost for evening entertainment we are without it.

The year I read the 5 Love Languages.

The year I considered bitch slapping my daughter’s teacher when she told my not yet 7 year old that she just had to learn to cope with the lot you get in life, when the kids were stealing her lunch every day.

The year I found a good counsellor finally.

The year my 7yo actually out shopped me. Never thought that would happen.

The year I realised exactly how much I value my husband, and my marriage.

The year I walked most of a night away in inner city melbourne agonising with Andrew, and then ended with a fulfilled fantasy. Thank you Andrew!

The year I had the ultimate storybook romantic date, a trip up to the top of Eureka Tower, Labyrinth on the big screen, a late night truly delicious Thai meal, a walk through Melbourne CBD, and a ride in a horse drawn carriage through Melbourne streets. Thank you Colin

The year I had the ultimate adult storybook date. Thank goodness for lack of Melbourne CBD police, and some perfect dark alleys and parks. Thank you Doug!

The year we started purging our house to try and minimise our belongings.

The year my hair grew long enough to tie back, for the first time since 1998.

The year I stopped obsessing over porn being evil incarnate.

The year I went from freaking at Andrew watching porn, or the mere thought of him kissing another girl, to seeing him have sex with someone else.

The year Andrew discovered his 'inner gay boy', and I realised that I was ok with that.

The year I fell truly and deeply in love with someone other than Andrew.

The year I went further with a girl than I ever had.

The year I was obsessed with I kissed a girl, by Jill Sobule.

The year I thought I had met the girl of my dreams.

The year I discovered some recent music is actually ok, Pink surprised me in particular.

The year we bothered to look for my G Spot.

The year I realised that sex just for itself, really isn't satisfying.

The year I learnt that just adding more people into a sexual situation does not mean it will be good sex. More hands/mouths are not all that is needed. And that having three people all pay attention, just to me, is bloody intimidating actually!

The year I realised just how much I needed, affirmations of when I achieve something I find bloody hard, and how pig stubborn I could get if I felt I was being pushed past what I could cope with.

There is undoubtedly more, and I may up date this, but I think the last one for now is, 2008 was not a year I regret. Pain, angst, scars and all, god I learnt a lot about myself, Andrew, relationships, and life. I feel I have grown so damm much, and that I am actually proud of who I am now. I can acknowledge that I havea hell of a lot of work to do – I think maybe we all do, if I stop thinking I have work to do then I think it will mean that I have grown complacent again.

I like me, I am proud of me, and I will not fuck this up by crossong boundaries I have set myself.

That's me for now loevlies. Hope your day is great, mine is chanegd a little, no blood donating because I have lost my voice.

Hugs all.

ANTS!!!!!!!

2009-03-10T02:04:24Z

Random life fact: Ants, at least common, Croydon North garden ants, can fir through pin holes in tape. They also don't care at all about crossing coffee.The bastards are getting out, AGAIN!!. they tunnelled for one day, then over night stopped tunneling, and started escaping. This morning as i walked past i saw 2 ants out on the top of the farm, and one ant head half out of the air hole - the SMALLER air hole we had made.
As i watched one of the other ants came down & helped pull him all the way out. I smeared coffee all over the tape and in the holes, and they calmly walked over it to go help another ant out. Now, whilst i DO admire their persistance, they've bloody stopped tunneling, and are againd defeating the point of the bloody ant farm.

dammit dammit dammit

Non 'loser songs'

2009-03-10T02:00:31Z

After last week's horror of hearing one of the least self respectful songs i think i may have ever heard - aptly named 'lose songs' by Vanessa, i was wondering if anyone has some suggestions for NON loser songs i can play for the kids when i want adult music, that not only won't scar them but may boost them?

thanks for any suggestions
vicki

tinymoose @ 2009-03-09T22:45:00

2009-03-09T11:49:52Z

For those who have asked :) And by the way, go now, and get signed up – it's so much easier :) :) For ease i'm putting them all in one, I MUST ask rosanne how to link to a new post within a post. I figure for now y'all can read what you want & skip the ones you don't :)

OK, Games Shop Guy – he's been on holidays for the last two weeks, gets back on Wednesday, yay! Now to see if I should ask him for coffee again, or wait & see? I considered maybe, as he works half days on Thur/Fri, maybe I could see if he wanted to catch up at the start or end of his shift so we can actually talk for more than 10 minutes..

Ant farm: Got the feckers! It was the breathing holes!! the were getting out the teeny tiny bloody breathing holes. Andrew & I put it together again this weekend, well Andrew mostly, and the bastards got out again. So I put it in a tray of water – they could get out of the case, but not off the 'island' of the farm. Then we, well, watched it. Stalked it maybe.. They were still getting out, even after sealing every seam. So we figured it had to be the tiny tiny tiny holes for air. We taped over the holes then used pins to make new ones. Andrew got a BUNCH of ants from the nest, with dirt included, and used the 'fridge method' to import them. Apparently colds puts ants to sleep for a few seconds, so we refrigerated them, then tipped then in super quick, dirt and all. YAY! We have captive ants, AND they have built tunnels. That's oh, about, 3 days of my life left to making it work. Is Emma interested? Eh so, so to be honest.

Andrew & I: awesome sauce guys, awesome sauce. We're doing really well. We've been getting better on weekends, and this weekend we got almost 4 whole days. It was really, really good. We had an amazing weekend of hugs, love, sunshine, Lego, Wii, and great company. Fri night we had a dear friend for 'sorry for your break up' hugs and Mario Kart on the Wii, Saturday we went to Knox shopping centre and found 'The naughtiest girl in the school' number 2 bu Enid Blyton to satisfy my insatiable 7 year old, and then had whole family Mario Party action on the Wii. Saturday evening we had really. Really great time with Doug, Rosanne & gorgeous Harper – thank you for the cuddles guys!Sunday we had heaps of outside time, and Andrew read to us all while we had a picnic, and Andrew and I finally did our financial stuff. Monday we had a marathon Lego session, then the drive to Cerbrus, and dinner at La Porchetta's – oh my god they beat me on the dessert, I couldn't finish my mousse!! Then a drive around the base to see parts like The Patch, the married quarters area, and a walk through the gym, playground etc. Thank you beloved for an mazing weekend.

Emma & the toilet: Well, on the upside, we're back to the Emma who takes for0ever on the toilet, while singing songs, and has no constipation. On the (minor) downside, once again I feel played. After the week from hell with Emma & toileting, a nurse on call drama, a Dr visit, and much much Parachoc & pain relief, I offered Emma a reward chart in the toilet. A sticker each day for NOT avoiding the toilet, with a reward at the end of each week. At this point she had been 'withholding' for 4 days, during which I had conned, I had read book after book on cold toilet floor to her, I had sung to her, I had explained in detail about anatomy, and why we need to go, to no avail. Four days of Emma sobbing on the toilet.I stuck her chart up, showed her the rewards, and went up to the other end of the house to talk to Eryn. I explained to her why Emma had a new chart, and was almost down to the kitchen when Emma's little voice rang out..... three guesses? 'Mum, I need a sticker please'.

One of these days I may strangle her. In the, what, 2 minutes maximum, she'd decided the rewards were good, headed in, done what she had to do – NO noise at all, no sobbing, no screaming, no wailing and gnashing of teeth. No pain relief, no reading, no back massage while on the toilet. Surely it's justified if I leave home? Surely?

The upside is good – we have avoided the nightmare I saw looming of the withholding child and the agony down that road, but honestly. Today she's gotten THREE stickers in one day. Do I feel played? Hell yes I do. In fact, if I am honest with myself, one of the other reasons I felt played was that it all started last Sunday after we left Andrew at Cerbrus, and finished this Friday after we got him. Not once did he ever hear her screaming, or have to read her books, or cook dinner while juggling Emma, dinner, nurse on call, and Eryn's reading her take home book. Now this is NOT angst at him, but tell me, where is the fairness here?? WHERE?

Bloody child. **deep breath**

She's better now, and that's what matters. **repeats as mantra**

Last but not least, a move update. GOOD NEWS!! it looks like the girls and I will probably move WITH Andrew, in mid July rather than in May now. Yay!! We can all drive together, and the girls will only be a day or two late for the start of Term 3 (if we get Perth).

That's it for now guys, the other posts need more thought :)
ni ni all
vicki

Music today? Am i old or is this hideous?

2009-03-03T10:45:44Z

I'm in shock... it's not often things render me speechless but the lyrics of this song have. i can't believe that someone would sing that shit. honestly. how is that she sounds she should be sorry to him, when he left and said things like "Like how much you wanted
anyone but me"??? and really, really, are we not past yet believing the idea that anyone is 'nothing without you'?

oh my lord. honestly. i barely kept my car on the road, let alone functioned to answer Eryn's question - luckily she was in Nintendo land and didn't hear a word of it...

i mean i thought 'oh ah, lost my bra, left in my boyfriend's car' in a pop song was bad, but this, this may top anything I've heard so far..
i guess on the upside it helps me cope with spice girls for Eryn better!

still in shock.

Kelly Clarkson - “My Life Would Suck Without You” Lyrics

Guess this means you’re sorry
You’re standing at my door
Guess this means you take back
What you said before
Like how much you wanted
Anyone but me
Said you’d never come back
But here you are again
Cuz we belong together now
Forever united here somehow
You got a piece of me
And honestly
My life would suck without you
Maybe I was stupid for telling you goodbye
Maybe I was wrong for tryin’ to pick a fight
I know that I’ve got issues
But you’re pretty messed up too
Anyway, I found out I’m nothing without you
Cuz we belong together now
Forever united here somehow
You got a piece of me
And honestly
My life would suck without you
Being with you is so dysfunctional
I really shouldn’t miss you, but I can’t let go
Oh yeah
Cuz we belong together now
Forever united here somehow
You got a piece of me
And honestly
My life would suck without you

A plague on them all, ALL I say!!!

2009-02-25T11:12:12Z

Gah!!!!

I quit. Motherhood, pet ownership, budding ant farmer, I quit it all. It's 9:38pm. Both my children are awake because Emma woke up when Eryn went to bed and changed the CD from The Night Before Christmas to A Bug's Life. They eventually agreed on Bug's Life, after much harassment. Then it was the volume. Then it was which doors are open. Etc etc.

Beware, here follows a rant on Parent/Teacher conferences, Houdini Ants, and cats and children. It shows that I am possibly not sane..

This only happens if the are both awake at the same time, which I normally avoid. Tonight I put Eryn in slightly earlier than I would normally, because I have guilt because of our 'Three way conference' with Eryn's teacher. By the way – when I was a kid we had parent teacher conferences, not three-ways. Three ways is a very misleading term as far as I am concerned. No 3 way love happens, none. Instead, my 7 year old bladed me so hard in the back that I may never get the dagger out.

Which brings me to my first point – since when are children included in a Parent/Teacher conference? Since the teacher don't want to have to do any work is my opinion. If Eryn is there I can't ask any of the questions I want to ask – is she sitting properly on her chair this year instead of her feet/knees? Is she anymore confident? How many votes did she get for Student Rep, and did she give the speech to the class or to the classroom floor? Is she on track with her reading and writing for grade standard, particularly as her report never explains properly? How do you think she'll cope with the move, how has she been since Andrew moved to Cerbrus?

I can't ask that stuff with Eryn there, so instead the teacher asks Eryn her goals for the year, which Eryn knows what to say to make her happy – I'd like to work on my reading, and my maths – and then she gives us a list of words that she'd like Eryn to know how to read, all of which Eryn knows by now, so who's child are you thinking of, and in 10 minutes we're done.

What's the point? Considering we had to wait 30 minutes on the playground for the interview because she was running late, and nothing is achieved?
Nothing of course except Eryn's stabbing me in the back.. So Eryn has answered nicely that she would like to work on her reading, to which her teacher suggest Eryn read each night, and asks Eryn if she does. My darling big eyed gorgeous girl answers, 'No, because mummy lets me stay up to late and then there's no time to read'. !!!!!!!

Gee, thanks for that kid. I tried to say, well, we read a book every night, and Eryn says yes, but that's just you reading to me, that doesn't count. Hmmm anyone reach that knife for me?? little wench. Her teacher followed it up with, 'now Eryn, I noticed you have quite a lot of dark shadows under your eyes, I've been wondering, do you think you're getting enough sleep? Because you know we're studying being happy and healthy this term, and getting enough sleep is part of that, isn't it Eryn?”
By this point I think Eryn's realised she's jeopardising her time alone with me after Emma goes to bed, so she denies all charges of being tired. Me, I just figure the old wench is so past parenting young children that she has no idea that sometimes it DOES get to 8:30 before you wrangle the 5 year old into bed.. and if Emma needs to be asleep before Eryn goes to bed.. yes she may have bloody black circles, so do I god dammit. *deep breath*

Add into that the on going struggle of the cats and the children – Eryn wants the cats in her bed, Emma does not. We solved this by putting Emma on the top bunk, but Emma's kitten loves her so much, he climbs up the bloody bunk bed to her. Generally this is at 2am or so, and she screams blue murder because he licks her and 'stuff'. Last night I left them out while she fell asleep, in while Eryn did, then out when I went to bed. Lou can now apparently open the sliding door so he can get to Emma. Tonight I'm not sure what I will do yet, but last night she had me up 3 times.

Last but not least on my ranting. The ants. I collected ants, slowly and painfully, for the ant farm last week. Within a day or two they were all gone. There was a pile of dead bodies near the water soaked cotton bud, which I assumed was where they all went. Today I finally had time to gather more – much faster this time. Thanks to a suggestion from Andrew and Kellie, I trapped the little feckers. Put a piece of chocolate in the gathering jar, left it a few hours, came back and it had a heap in there. I gaffer taped the little buggers in, and then attached them via the pipe to the ant farm. I also collected some by sweeping a piece of card along the bin lip, into a container, and then used the container and a paint brush to swoosh them into the feeding holes. I ended up with about 20 ants give or take in the farm, and a whole whole bunch more in the jar on the end of the pipe. I left it on my cabinet while I went for school pickup, and when I came back the jar ones were still there, but not many in the farm. At first I thought I'd killed them again – chalk me up for super mass murder of ants – but the I saw a few, on the outside of the farm. Somehow the little bastards have been escaping. Now, I'm sure that being forced into captivity is not fun, but suck it up – it's in the name of phobia curing damn it!

So I have just spent the last 30 minutes or so, gaffer taping all the edge of the farm the could be escaping from. As I typed those last words, and ant just ran along the outside of the ant farm, again. I have no idea how the hell they are getting out, but I may have to murder them all. Start one by one, against the plastic so the other ants can see – escape equals death little ants, death I tell you! I may sit the whole bloody ant farm in a dish of talcum powder, or coffee, or cinnamon, or poison for god's sake. That'll teach the little bastards. In fact, some nasty poison they can take back into the ant farm, just to teach the lot of them, hah!

Ok, that last one may defeat my purpose a little. Seriously though, I'm so over things with minds of their own – ants, cats, kids, teachers. Sell em all to the circus I say.

What's the 'line' to not cross? When is it more than friendship?

2009-02-23T22:20:22Z

So, we made the decision earlier this year to return to monogamy. It was a pretty damn hard decision, made after a year literally full of blood, sweat & tears. Many tears in fact. I still second guess it sometimes, and I think my biggest regret is the order my poly relationships happened in. If my last poly relationships had been my first, I think many things could have been different. I guess though part of my current growth is letting go of regrets, or wishes for changing the unchangeable.

What happened is what happened. I have been giving some serious thought to re-opening poly negotiations with Andrew over the last few weeks, one of the reasons being that I'm unsure what the 'benefit' of monogamy is.

Andrew and I discussed it this weekend, and ended up feeling that the ultimate 'benefit' of it is the higher feeling of security. For us it feels less likely that our partner is likely to fall in love and leave the marriage. I know this flies in the face of many poly thoughts, but our reasoning was that yes, even with monogamy one of us could meet someone and fall in love, but if we are practicing poly, and we meet someone, and have permission to fully explore that relationship, then that bond is likely to be so much stronger than if we meet someone and in our head just block it off as not possible in our current lives.

Does that make any sense? I'm mostly using this as my sounding board, so I hope it makes sense.

We're actually having trouble at the moment because we have very separate lives. Andrew is down at Cerbrus being effectively a single guy, eating when he feels like it, drinking at the bar when he wants, swimming and using the gym, without needing to think about me or the girls and when he needs to be home. I'm playing single mum, being 24/7 responsible for the girls, the house, the pets, the bills, the everything that makes a family work. Two days a week Andrew comes home, and it's hard. He comes home and it's more he comes to visit – everyone now has given in and calls his 'home' Cerbrus, the girls ask what time we are taking Daddy back home on a Sunday night. I'm struggling really hard to restrain myself from telling Andrew to fuck off when he growls at the girls for things – I get really defensive, don't you dare growl at my girls!

I find that because the girls and I just cruise our own way through the week, and I am used to the being the only one who calls the shots as such. We've both pondered, if we're apart all week anyway, would it hurt any to each have partners at the Mon – Fri locations. We talked it through last night, and we realised that we've actually both been worried that we might be falling apart, not because of any big explosion, but just because we could rift apart from having two different lives. We ended up agreeing that resuming poly would likely to increase the problem, if we're having trouble feeling close to each other, then allowing each other to get intimate with someone else on the Mon – Fri would likely increase the gap between us.

Taking it back to the initial question – where is the line of friendship? I have a person that is is terribly terribly dear to me, and who I feel is 'more' than a friend. Andrew's opinion is that I am currently practicing poly, just not physically. I also have my new friend, my games shop guy, who I'd like to make better friends with, without crossing this 'line' to upset either his girlfriend or Andrew.

If I use Games Shop Guy as my example, if he was a girl I could meet him as often as I want for coffee, and neither his partner nor mine would get upset – even though I'm bi – but because he's a guy, we risk pissing our partners off. How do I know where this line is? If we agree to catch up with me, him, the kids, and 6 Nintendo DS's, or a Wii for some games fun, is that crossing a line? Is talking to him about how Eryn or Emma is driving me insane crossing the line? Sharing my current hopes, fears, frustrations? How do people know this 'line'???

Last but not least, if I've crossed this line already, how do I go back?

i did it i did it i did it!! oh my!

2009-02-18T11:14:55Z

I went into my games shop today, to smooze them to fix eryn's ds screen protector. I had actually placed a guess that my now titled 'games shop guy' would be working, and decided i was psyching myself up to ask for coffee. he was indeed working, and we ended up talking a bit cos Emma conned him into helping her play LEgo Indianna Jones on the Xbox there, and that ended towards him showing me the second hand Wii they've just gotten it..

Eventually we progressed to chatting over away from the counter (and thereore his boss and curious bystander) and i ended up working myself up it and kind of blurted out, so, i hope you think i'm not a stalker, but maybe sometime we could grab coffee when it's your break time so that i don't get you fired for talking too much to me at work.

he said that he's be very flattered if a customer asked him for coffee and he'd just ordered a coffee so we could go then! yay for bravery for me! woohoo!! took us a while to get there cos of all the game shop distractions, but we had a nice doughnut, apart from emma being, well, emma..

i was very bouncey afterwards, mostly from knowing that i actually worked myself up for it, and did it! and i 'm pretty sure i didin't flirt, and i don' think he did, but we had a good chat. my only sad is that 15 mins is hard to get to know someone, and i want more talking!

so. coffee was good, then we said goodbye, now i guess i wait & see if he asks me for coffee, or i ask again? how long should i wait??

Ants & Tunnels

2009-02-17T02:02:11Z

Over coming tunnel phobia, and ants too!

As a few of you may know, I'm quite phobic of tunnels. Lately I've been getting over it, by accident. We go down every Friday to get Andrew from Cerberus, and then drop him back there on Sunday night. For some reason, every trip back so far, I miss the exit for Kingwood and end up going through the damn tunnel.

It's been a combination of the kids distracting me, or radio, or just exhaustion. Each time we have go through the tunnel, then U turn, and go back through the bloody thing. Generally by then I'm just tired and want to get home and feed and bed the kids.

As a consequence, I'm pretty over tunnels! Yay for luck.

As for the ants.. Emma god love her, has been scared of ants for as long as I remember. This week it's come to a head, with her having a toilet accident because she couldn't go to the toilet thanks to ONE ant. I took my standard approach to a child challenge – we CBT'd it. And yes that's cognitive behaviour therapy, NOT cock & ball torture thanks guys :)

We made our list of stages to achieve, and rewards for each stage, but she didn't really want a helpful thought for each stage. Emma's not so much a thinker in a lot of ways.

Her stages were:

Read about ants, learn what they eat and if they hurt us, what their jobs are etc.

Reward: Chocolate from the Cadbury factory.

Look at ants, as close up as she could.

Reward: Plaster painting with me.

Experiment with ants – what they like to eat, where they like living, what they don't like (talcum powder, cinnamon etc)

Reward: Woodwork with me

Squish some ants with her shoes on to see that they are not going to hurt her if she has to walk over them sometimes.

Reward: hmmm not sure cos Emma drew her picture of her reward for this one and I cannot work it out!

Put rubbish in the outside bin that has ants all over it.

Reward: Help bake her birthday cake.

Let at least one ant walk over her toes or hand.

Reward: Present of her choice.

This is the system we used to help Eryn conquer a new food – Lasagne. Eryn took a few weeks to do it, considering Emma's screaming hysteria, I expected the same. One hour, give or take, and it was done.

We read about ants here at just before 3pm, went to get Eryn form school, and found ants on the walk in. I was trying to find an ant nest to show her, so she was wandering in and out picking up rocks, in the middle of all the ants, not a bloody care in the world. I was starting to think I'd been duped by the 5 year old to be honest.

We went through looking, squishing – with AND without shoes, before we even got Eryn. We got Eryn and went straight to the shops where Emma picked out an Ant Farm as her ultimate present.

We came home, she put rubbish in the bin, not a single qualm, quiver or cry. When we go to the point of actually putting her hand or foot in the ant's path her whole little body did actually stiffen up and she freaked, so at least I felt the fear was real instead of a 4 year fake.

She did it though, giggled when it ran across her hand – and she actually did have a helpful thought – 'they're just little slaters'.

So, it's done. We'll practice each day for a little while, but I think she's mostly OK. It did mean I had to assemble the ant farm.. don't do it, ever. I mean ever. It's HARD. And, well, hard! And if you do one, don't catch the ants with the tweezers, you kill them. It asks for 'about 20 ants, workers are preferred”. Well, I'm not so sure if they are workers or not, but after trying to catch 20 ants – which you can't count by the way – and killing half, I got pretty cranky.

I hooked 'em up from jar to farm, and left them. When I got up this morning the other half where dead too. So I gave up and went and caught them by hand. I scooped my hand over the bin, and shook em one at a time into the tiny holes at the top. Let's see if these ones live.

So that's our phobias underway – ants, tunnels, and even hand dish washing for me!

Reverse Art Truck is awesome - a whole weekend's fun - just to start!!

2009-02-16T10:22:12Z

	Our World Eryn asked on Saturday to make 'our own world'. Here it is - in progress. I had a huge piece of corflute/corplast (corrugated plastic) from when i needed it for the pig cage. So i made a base and we got out all our art 'bits' from Revers Art. We're having a ball!!!

	Andrew's feat of engineering Andrew's degree put to good use - a drawbridge :)
	Eryn's swimming pool
	Emma's beach and sail boat
	Eryn's balcony off my city
	Our bridge/mountain/tunnel, and my forest

cat injuries..

2009-02-16T10:12:49Z

I've had a few cat injuries in my life, the worst of which i have some pretty damn decent scars from. The kittens are sure trying hard to outdo them though. The two most recent that come to mind are very recent - 2 minutes ago i walked into the girls room, at the exact time Ollie did. My toes went under him as he ran, and he used me for traction.. OW!

Last nights was when my adult cat used my dangling down off the bed as the ladder to climb up onto the bed. At least though she didn't do what Skittle does to Andrew. She uses his arse & upper thigh because he hangs them out of the doona cos he's too hot. I wake up to some truly girlish cries!

clothes.. why should i care?

2009-02-12T12:22:03Z

so, i wear clothes. I guess most of us do. I wear them only for really for warmth, and social expectations. I occasionally care what it is I wear, but predominately, I don't care. I wear what is comfortable, and what is warm enough.

Some days I wear a bra. Some days I don't. 90% of the time I wear one when I go out, and not when I'm home, but you know what? If I do go out, minus bra, tough shit. Suck it up. I'm 'decent', and not openly offending anyone so fuck off. Honestly.

In fact while I'm going, I don't give a flying fuck if my pants ride low on my hips. I don't care if sometimes you see my g-string. Honestly, I don't. I get that people who's pants hang low enough to show their butt cheeks are disconcerting. I actually don't. I have pants that fit my thighs, and are therefore too big for my waist. So, they are lower down at the back. Seriously, get the fuck over it.

*breathes deeply* This comes up cos I see two of my friends each week, for scrap booking. I've been scrapping with them for quite a few years now, and more than once they have each mentioned to different degrees, that they think I should dress differently.

One has asked me to start wearing a belt. Both have commented more than once, one every publicly, that I ought to wear a bra, always. When we scrap, we scrap at my house, where I think I'm damn well entitled to wear what I want.

Today one of them had new jeans on, and told us how her husband said she'd get confused her bum was who's as her g-string was showing and that's normally my job. Now seriously. I don't wear super high g's, or super low jeans, and not on purpose. I just hate belts cos well, they suck.

Am I wrong? Ought I wear a bra every time I see anyone at all, and a belt every day? Or am I within my rights to say you know what, this is me, suck it up?

games shop guy..help please!

2009-02-11T11:40:27Z

OK, so I have a crush? No I don't. I think. Maybe. Maybe not. No, I don't. I have a question.

What happens when two people of sexually, umm compatible? Gah how do I say this? OK, not offending anyone at all, but simplifying it for me right now. I'm a woman. I've met a man. I like him quite a lot, in a, I like spending time talking to this person, way. Not in a oh my god we need to fuck way, just a, like your sense of humor, your interests, like talking to you, way.

What's the normal process here? I like him, I like talking to him, and I'd like to talk to him more. The first hard thing is that he works at my local game shop. I spend a fair bit of time their drooling – sorry looking – at games. Must not drool on games is poor form. The kids love being taken there so they can drool on games. And this guy who works there is really nice. I do however spend enough time there talking with him that his boss has suggested beanbags. Now his boss a nice guy, and I'm just discovering, also has a sense of humor, and a willingness to put up with me & 5 kids in his shop. However it's hard to have a proper conversation with 5 kids, customers, phone calls, and well, guilt cos he IS meant to be working.

So I'd love to say, when is your break, want to grab coffee? But that gets me to my second problem. I don't really remember a time when I knew of anyway of interacting with guys that was not sexual. I've only ever known how to flirt with them. I'm really trying to make sure that's not happening this time. I'm not looking to pick him up, but I'd really like to make friends.

How does that happen? Can I ask to catch up over coffee without it seeming a hit on? I don't want to freak him out, and he has a girlfriend and I'd hate to upset anything when it's just a case of I like him and think we could be friends.

Any tips anyone? Please?

vicki